


Sacrificial Beginnings

by Jacob_The_Random_Writer



Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-26
Updated: 2019-11-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:34:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21569224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jacob_The_Random_Writer/pseuds/Jacob_The_Random_Writer
Summary: A view into how Cole had come to realize who the true hero and strongest member of the ninja team is. If only it had not been through such horrible events. But how does he act when Zane is back and things begin to settle once more into the dust.
Relationships: Cole/Zane (Ninjago)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 82





	Sacrificial Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> This is set right before Possession, but does incorporate the earlier seasons.

Tensions were dialing down in the land of Ninjago the ninja had made sure of that when Lloyd defeated the Overlord. Things settled, people rebuilt, Cyrus Borg stepped up and became a leader for the fallen land. The ninja finally had time to relax, but relaxing proved to be boring. If Cole’s memory serves it had been Zane who recommended the former ninja group take up a more constructive pastime. 

Zane was always one for moving forward he told them that the way to shape the future was no longer in fighting, but rather teaching. Although the students gave their ninja teachers hard times every now and then the task of teaching was rewarding. During that relaxed time the ninja had a chance to explore themselves for once. Finally they could wonder about themselves or others. They could build relationships. 

For Jay and Nya that meant taking a step back. Nya did not want to be held down and confined to a relationship so quickly Jay was understanding of her feelings and gave her the space she wished for. Cole however had found himself suddenly realizing his feelings for someone else. The realization came to him one late night when he could not for the life of him get the person out of his brain. They lingered persistently their smile, their laugh, their eyes staring so deeply and comfortingly into Cole’s own brown eyes.

Cole was enamored, completely and utterly, with Zane Julien.

The nindroid had captured Cole’s heart at some point during their time together and Cole was a slave to its grasp. The Earth ninja was not sure when exactly he began falling for the Ice ninja, that was mostly due to the fact that his mind was on more important things such as fighting and living. But as soon as the heat died down Cole could not bring himself to ever leave Zane’s side. They did almost everything together spending excessive amounts of time with one another. They would laugh, talk, joke, sometimes they would share fears and secrets, sometimes they would just sit quietly reading. Those minutes, hours, days that they spent together were some of Cole’s favorite. 

He never did gather the courage to tell Zane about his feelings. Then the Overlord returned the ninja were thrown back into the heat of battle. With battle came a new person to the squad a droid named PIXAL. It was clear from the second she and Zane met that they had a connection. Cole could sense how shocked and comforted Zane felt with the other android around. The way Zane acted with PIXAL was different than the way he acted with Cole. That hurt. That dug deep down inside Cole and ripped at his heart. 

Then suddenly Nya seemed interested in him, Nya and Cole had barely talked over the relaxation break. In fact they had been the least close comparatively, yet suddenly she had an interest. That felt good. It felt nice to be wanted and it was easy to have someone already interested. Cole didn’t even have to make her like him she already felt something. 

As the fight went on and Zane got closer with PIXAL Cole had to force himself away. Seeing Zane with PIXAL sharing intimate moments made Cole angry. He desperately wanted to be with Zane in those moments. Then Zane offered PIXAL half his heart and Cole lost it to the rage. He felt the rejection and he let it take over his rational mind. He and Zane had barely even spoken with PIXAL around he grew to hate PIXAL turning all his attention instead over to Nya.

Jay was annoying in his arguing, but Cole needed this more than he did. The way Cole saw it Nya had given Jay a chance and she didn’t seem interested anymore. Cole had a chance to be with someone, someone who could possibly make him happy. Happy like PIXAL made Zane. 

Then the worst happened. Worse than not telling Zane about his feelings, worse than losing him to a new person, worse than anything Cole could have ever imagined. Zane sacrificed himself to kill the Overlord. 

In the moments with Zane shooting ice glowing the brightest blue that Cole had ever seen the Earth ninja found himself not caring about anything in the world other than Zane. The feelings that he had never went away, they never lessened rather they grew with the distance between them. 

It was Zane who taught the team, who taught Cole, what it meant to be a ninja. It was Zane who taught Cole what it meant to be a hero. It was Zane who taught Cole to love. It was Zane that taught Cole loss. It was Zane which taught Cole everything. It was always Zane. But it was Cole who had found the separated metal plate piece of Zane’s face laying forlorn and forgotten in the new snow. It was Nya that needed a hug to deal with her emotions, but Cole couldn’t feel anything. 

Perhaps Nya sensed that Cole was about to break and hugged him before he fell apart. Perhaps they were both about to fall apart and found solace in each other in that moment. Cole couldn’t speak at Zane’s memorial his throat had closed up so tightly that he could barely breathe. Without Zane Cole wondered if he even should continue breathing. Zane didn’t get that chance. Why hadn’t it been Cole. He would give anything to trade spots with Zane.

If Cole didn’t die to the Overlord he might have died to the pain he felt. He left. He left the team behind. He left everything behind. Cole lost himself when he lost Zane, he lost himself in the forest wanting nothing to do with his past. Wanting nothing to do with his pain. The forest lumbering work was nice, it was quiet in the forest he often worked away from the others. Cole mourned, hard, for months. For as long as Lloyd let him until the day he appeared in the tree where Cole was working.

Seeing Lloyd brought so many unwanted and deeply buried feelings back to Cole’s heart and mind. He remembered everything in the single second that Lloyd made himself know. Everything was so painful from his feelings for Zane to the eventual rejection jumping then to the feeling of Zane’s synthetic skin with metal backing Cole held that fateful day. Cole felt it all he could even remember brushing his thumb over the cheek of the face plate. He kept that piece of Zane for himself selfishly hoarding it away in his dresser tucked under so many clothes. 

Cole could never bring himself to part from the piece yet it haunted him. The drawer was rarely opened for fear that the pain would pour out into Cole’s body filling him completely before leaking out and drowning him. Cole was so afraid of that pain and those feelings. Lloyd had visited the ex-ninja a few times after Zane’s sacrifice, although they never did get together. Every now and then one of them would met with Lloyd for ‘old time’s sake’, but it was an unspoken pact that they could never regroup without their nindroid. 

Somehow though Lloyd had convinced everyone to gather together at Chen’s noodle house. That had been the main reason for Cole’s coming he ate away his feelings a lot, it was a good distraction. When word came that Zane could possibly still be alive Cole’s chest ached. He wished, desperately wished, that Zane could still be alive. The notion that he might one day see Zane’s smile or hear Zane’s laugh uplifted Cole’s spirts in the most bittersweet way. In a feat of desperation the group visited Chen’s Island looking for Zane. 

Jay however still held a grudge for Cole, the Earth ninja hadn’t spoke to Jay or Nya since he left. None of that mattered to him. Amidst Cole’s horrible pain Jay would be whining. To lose one friend, to lose Zane, was too much. Cole could never imagine losing another. Finally Cole put aside his pride and gave in to what Jay wanted. Of course Nya’s affections didn’t matter to Cole it was only the idea that he could be with someone. That someday he could be happy, but without Zane in the world Cole didn’t think that was possible even if he did find someone. No one could compare to Zane in Cole’s heart.

Then Cole found him. Glinting in the darkness of a cell Cole could tell it was Zane from a mile away, he could feel Zane’s presence in his heart. Zane was titanium, his once pale synthetic skin replaced with the shining strong lightweight metal. His eyes shone so brightly in the darkness piercing into Cole’s dark mind with their bright blue. Suddenly Zane’s bright blue eyes had been the brightest blue Cole had ever seen a quick replacement for the blue that terrible day. Zane was back and with him all Cole’s emotions. 

Cole of course had to force these to the back burner of this mind as they made plans to break out of Chen’s Island. Zane also alerted Cole that he had added PIXAL to his hardware the girl now with Zane always. The anger and jealousy Cole felt came barreling back blooming in his chest like a raging fire. Cole and Zane spent a lot of time in hiding at the factory and while they worked and schemed Cole felt them falling back into their previous dynamic. Zane’s voice was still music to Cole’s ears this new music however was mechanical. Cole could still hear Zane’s old voice behind the sounds of his system. 

Every joint on Zane’s body had a wonderful separation his hands were of great interest to Cole. The Earth ninja always had been a more tactile learner. He wanted to hold those titanium hands caress the palm and feel each separated finger joint memorizing the contours of both hands. He wished to do that with all of Zane in complete honesty, but he halted himself at the hands. 

Being around Zane brought a heaviness into Cole’s mind he wondered about how Zane was rebuilt. When Cole did ask, Zane became distant he gave a quick tense response of “There is much I still do not know”. It obviously bothered Zane to not truly know how or who rebuilt him therefore it bothered Cole. However, after everything that Zane had been through Cole could not bring himself to push the topic any further. Zane had gone through more than any of the ninja. He had lost his father before the Overlord returned and his mourning process was rather rushed. 

If Cole’s memory serves that was around the same time Zane recommended they start their teaching jobs. It was very much like Zane to push down his problems, he did not believe in lingering on what cannot be changed. What would Zane think of Cole’s feelings if only he knew? Would he be angry at Cole for harboring such feelings for so long? Not because Cole had them, but because he let them control him. He had become a puppet to his own feelings and that puppeteer scared Cole more than anything. 

The Earth ninja surely thought he was the strongest of all the ninja. He was proven wrong, utterly and undeniably wrong when Zane stepped up. His entire being unafraid and strong against the Overlord an overarching calm and comforting feeling enveloping all of Ninjago that day. All because of Zane. Cole wanted to be strong like Zane. Strong enough to not be afraid. Strong enough to make Zane proud. 

He trained hard for that strength moving past his normal routine of push-ups opting instead for meditation like Zane used to do. But Zane was back and Cole was just as weak as ever succumbing to every small smile and bit of laughter that came from the shining new Zane. Strangely everything settled once more for the ninja after they defeated Chen. They found themselves in a lull unsure of how to use their powers and extra time. Master Wu had his plan already settled. 

The tea shop seemed a perfect outlet for the entire team. Wu wanted a relaxing job for his retirement, one where he could have Misako by his side and one where the ninja could be his employees. Bagging tea and welcoming costumers was not in the ninja’s skillset regardless they were happy to help and even happier to get rest. Despite the team and Ninjago falling into a peaceful lull the ninja never stopped training. Zane in particular found himself meditating and sparring with dummies out in the yard behind the tea shop most of the time.

His new body held so many tricks that he had not known before, but he wanted to know. The idea of not knowing one’s self worried him. Zane had always known himself. When he found out he was an android he had to come to terms with the idea, but at least he knew who he was. With this new body Zane found himself lost, his memories were hazy, his body shiny, his voice jumbled with mechanics. So Zane trained hard to learn his new body and bring comfortability back into his life. Whenever Zane would be out in the yard Cole would not be too far away standing, sitting, or pretending to train.

His brown eyes lingering and watching the titanium ninja ever so closely examining his every movement. The way Zane moved was extremely graceful, as if he lacked gravity. His long legs kicking through the air with ease, his thin body twisting out of the way of attacks, his ice blue eyes scanning for openings. Cole was always entranced, captivated by the graceful moves, sometimes he would forget to hide himself or make his presences seem normal. He would just stand in awe his eyes half lidding and a loving smile on his face. If any person were to see him they would know in an instant that he had fallen. 

Of course Cole was still terrified of these feelings now was an even worst time than before to share them. The Earth ninja struggled every day to push them down and force them back in order to come across as normal to the group and more specifically to Zane. Even when his hands would sweat in excess or his stomach would begin flipping around as if he were on the rollercoaster at Mega Monsters Amusement Park Cole had to appear as if nothing was wrong.

When Zane would smile without holding back, or when he would laugh his gorgeous melodic and methodic laugh, or even just when he would speak Cole had to keep himself calm. But in sheer willpower Cole was strong and so he could keep himself at bay. Zane was always aware of the eyes upon him during his graceful fighting everyday in the courtyard behind the tea shop. He could sense the weight of them. He was almost becoming used to the extra weight if he did not feel untrusted by this added weight.

He sat his crossed legs pressed against the ground and hands resting atop his knees. His bright eyes were closed his mind was clear and he could feel everything around him. The wind blowing softly, the trees shifting to the wind, the stream further away flowing, the waterfall adding to the streams flow, and Cole’s eyes. He had been meditating for an hour and never once did he feel that weight shift off his body. Finally, after all the time he’s spent with Cole’s gaze upon him Zane’s eyes snapped open and he looked over. Cole jumped due to the suddenness of Zane’s movements then Zane spoke.

“I may have a new body, but it does not mean I need you watching over me”he stated a bit of irk in his voice. Of course Zane was upset he did not know his own body and now he suspected his own team feared or at least distrusted him. 

Cole straightened his back “It’s”he let out a quick breath “It’s not because of that Zane”. Cole had to explain, he didn’t want to give off the wrong impression that he didn’t trust Zane or even that he didn’t think Zane was strong enough to train alone. It was partially the opposite of the latter, Cole wanted to watch Zane and gather how Zane had become so much stronger than the rest of them. Was it because Zane took the time to center his mind before fighting? Was it because he was an android? Cole didn’t believe that last question had base, Zane was so much more than an android. 

“I don’t want you hurt”Cole whispered his voice just as weak as his mind. Zane looked over to the Earth ninja with pure curiosity “Hurt? By what? I am merely meditating just as I always have”. 

Those words “Just as I always have” rang through Cole’s mind. Always, he wished always would stay forever. Nothing could ever be the same forever, the word Always was so very cruel promising a constant within life which was very much inconstant. The dark haired head dropped down heavily the yard between them stretched out separating them. The separation had caused a dull aching within Cole’s chest so to heal that ache he crossed the space. His steps were fast and he was at Zane’s side standing above the nindroid his chest heaving in anger or in energy neither knew. 

“No”he said sternly “Not like before. Nothing is like before!”Cole yelled out. Zane’s eyes were wide with shock as he gazed up at Cole this sudden explosion of emotion causing a great unease. Cole then dropped onto his knees beside Zane the sound of the sand crunching echoed over the empty field. “All I wanted- All I want now is for things to go back to the way they were”the ninja’s fists were clenched so tightly the knuckles were turning white and they were shaking. The Ice ninja was unsure of how to calm his friend he does not like seeing Cole in such pain. 

“But it never can- can it?”Cole asked his fists unclenched and his eyes opened slowly his anger seemingly fizzled out. He lifted his eyes training them on Zane’s the display within the brown irises was of pure fear and sadness. Zane swallowed despite not having a logical reason in doing so he just felt as if his throat was closing. When he did swallow it seemed to activate PIXAL who pinged a curiosity alarm. 

“No”Zane whispered “I suppose it cannot. Things are much too different. I am much too different”. The android looked down to his hands flipping them in his lap examining the joints and separations between his fingers. 

“Do you mean your body is different or your mind?”Cole asked slowly. Zane closed his hands forcing them back into a idle position on his lap. 

“Both, very much so. I am even more different then I was before”his voice was soft in its usual manner but Cole could sense the sadness behind the words. The only person Zane had ever found comfort in concerning his android background was PIXAL. Now she was only in his head, a programming more than a person. How that must have felt to the Ice ninja, Cole would never know. But he would never allow Zane to suffer through it alone, not again. 

“You can feel whatever you want around me. Just not alone. I won’t let you feel alone again”Cole reached out and placed a careful hand on Zane’s shoulder calling his attention up to his eyes. All the truth Zane needed to believe Cole's statement was written in his eyes. 

“Be scared, be angry, be Different. Be whatever you want. Just be it with me. With the team”Cole moved to be in front of Zane now gripping both his shoulders. Zane felt like crying although nothing came. He was unsure if he’s even capable of crying anymore, but he felt the need to in that moment. 

“Thank you Cole, I”Zane paused, a truly unnatural thing for the nindroid one which he only does when he’s contemplating his words carefully. “I did not know I needed to hear that, but I did. Thank you”slowly Zane brought his hands up towards Cole’s body. The Earth ninja was instantly aware of Zane’s attempt at a hug and he moved first pulling the thin titanium body into his chest. 

The tension built between the two ninja, as well as the distance, seemed to fade away after that. Cole and Zane began spending just as much time together as they did before the Overlord made himself known. Cole was entirely happy to spend each second of every minute he could with Zane but deep within his mind the nasty raging fires of jealous still loomed. PIXAL still existed inside Zane’s head and to Cole it seemed that the two belong together whole heartedly. The Earth ninja did not stop watching the other though, his eyes were always on the Zane.

The titanium ninja became comfortable with this constant gaze. The intense need to be near Zane fueled all of Cole’s decisions. He couldn’t help but wish to be by the android’s side watching him, protecting him. Cole couldn’t- rather wouldn’t, let Zane get hurt again by any means. The Ice ninja had given so much to the team more than anyone had any idea of. It was not until they no longer had what Zane gave did they realize, or at least Cole realized, what they had lost. Cole wanted to give that same amount. 

It was an early morning when Cole’s eyes snapped open he could sense that Zane was not inside the room. The Earth ninja began rubbing the sleep from his eyes the early haze of the barely morning weighing down on him. He pulled himself out of bed he wasn’t truly sleeping well anyway, his subconscious could always tell when Zane was away. Cole made his way out of their rooms which were situated in the back of the tea shop. The shop doors were open slightly a crisp morning breeze inviting itself in. Cole slid the doors open further and looked out into the front. Just as he suspected there sat Zane on the course sandy ground his knees against his chest, arms wrapped securely around them, and eyes to the sky. 

Cole quietly made his way over although in the serene sunrise it was difficult to be silent. Zane knew immediately that Cole was there as the Earth ninja made his way over and took a slow seat next to the Ice ninja on the ground. They sat in silence watching the sun creep over the mountains cresting its light onto the cold land. Everything was calm and everything was peace. To the two ninja it was an exceedingly strange feeling to have life in Ninjago be so peaceful. 

“It’s so beautiful and calm”Cole stated his voice still held a gruffness from sleep, but he spoke softly as to not disturb the moment. 

“Yes, it is. I wonder how long until something will go wrong”Zane gave a weak laugh the truth behind the joke rang strongly within the two. 

Cole chuckled despite the impending mysterious problem ahead “Probably not too long, guess we better enjoy this while it lasts huh”. The dark haired man glanced over to Zane pausing when he saw that Zane was frowning deep in contemplation. Without any extra thought Cole reached out and tugged Zane into yet another hug this one tight and reassuring. 

Zane’s eyes opened widely as shock came over his system “Cole- what is wrong?”he asked concerned. 

“I just- don’t wanna see you sad”Cole muttered moving slightly to hold Zane more comfortably. After a few seconds Zane began moving away and Cole shifted to let go. 

“Why the sudden care?”the nindroid asked his head tipping slightly. That question cut Cole deep in the heart striking him harder than any fighter or villain ever had. Cole’s face matched his pain and Zane became aware of his previously cold comment, however, he did not try to apologize or correct himself. 

“You’re so much stronger than us Zane”Cole shook his head roughly his jaw trembling slightly with the words. “You would give everything for the fate of Ninjago. We were selfish. I was selfish. We wanted you to be okay, but you knew better. We weren’t willing to sacrifice ourselves, but you were. You are the strongest one on the team- forget physical strength. You’ve known all along that your body is only as strong as your mind”. 

Cole’s breathing was deep as he spoke his eyes directly locked with Zane’s. The Ice ninja was astonished by these words almost at a loss for his own. 

“Where does all this come from Cole?”he asked carefully. 

The Earth ninja swallowed roughly, “I guess my heart. Losing you felt like the end of the world for me. I actually thought”a bitter chuckle ripped itself from Cole’s chest. “I actually thought for a while that the world wasn’t worth saving anymore because you weren’t in it”he clenched his fists once more this time keeping them less tight than before. 

“But that was dumb, you didn’t give your life so I could throw away theirs”Cole wasn’t sure when his eyes left Zane’s most likely it was when he spoke about denouncing his ninja role. It was a mistake and a regret for Cole. He locked his eyes with Zane’s once more “I wanna be like you Zane. You stand for so much more than anyone could ever know. You’re my hero Zane, now and forever”. 

A well of emotions struck Zane again. He wanted to cry but instead his body merely quaked with the force of the emotions. 

“Cole this is all so abrupt. Have you felt this way for a while now?”his calm comforting voice was soothing to Cole’s ears. The Earth ninja gave a solid single nod to answer the question simply. 

“Longer than even I knew. I was afraid- afraid and stupid. But ninja are heroes. Heroes are brave. They don’t let their fear overcome their hearts. You taught me that. You taught me a lot. So now I think I’m ready to speak what’s been in my heart for a long time”he shifted closer to Zane his knees scraping against the dirt. “Even though it scares me more than anything. And even though it could mean problems for everyone. I don't want to be afraid anymore. I want to be strong, like you”he let out a breath feeling the need to start this next bit with an entirely new burst of air. Strangely Zane was holding his breath despite not needing oxygen as he waited in anticipation for Cole’s next words leaning forward as if it would help him hear better even with the silent morning. 

“I love you Zane, now and forever”Cole stated in a strong determined tone. Zane gasped pulling in the air he doesn’t need in shock his eyes going even wider in surprise. Finally, Zane was truly at a loss for words, but that did not stop Cole who beat him to the punch. “You don’t have to say anything or do anything. This is my burden to carry, I tell you because you have a right to know and it’ll help me move on”Cole pressed his lips. Suddenly Zane was overcome by sadness at the notion of Cole moving on. 

“Move on?”the android asked his eyebrows dipping into a sad expression. 

Cole gave a short nod “I don’t wanna create problems for the group and for you and PIXAL”. 

Zane glanced down “It is true that PIXAL is perfect for me”he spoke slowly a sharp pain ran through Cole’s heart. “It is as if she was built perfectly. Just for me”Zane slowly placed a ran over his heart he could feel the low vibration of the inner mechanisms working. "But I do not want someone built for me. I want someone I choose”then his hand moved to Cole’s heart pressing against his chest. The beating was fast and rhythmic, but it was Cole’s warmth that Zane enjoyed the most. 

Cole’s eyes jumped up from Zane’s hand to his face “Do- Do you think that person could ever be me?”he asked hopefully. A small smile came across Zane’s face then a short laugh from his mouth. 

“I think you have a much, much better chance than anyone else”the Ice ninja laughed with a slightly teasing tone in his words. Cole’s smile stretched so wide that it hurt his cheeks which had gained a tint of red. Zane could not help but think that Cole looked very handsome and lovely in the cresting light of the sun. Alternatively Cole adored Zane’s loving gaze and promised that he would become everything Zane wanted in a significant other.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed, thanks a ton for reading! I had ideas on how to continue this, but I wanted to get the final product out before I added to it and ruined it. Maybe if I add to it I'll link a series.


End file.
